Kiss My Ass

a very true story

 The day broke as usual. Someone woke up and had breakfast. At nine o'clock Someone left his house. He went somewhere he had been. The stones were falling from the heaven. Someone picked up a stone and threw it back into the heaven. The heaven became upset. There was nobody in the street except Someone. On his way somewhere he met a dead fish. 
“Where do you think you're going?” the fish asked.
“Somewhere”, Someone answered. “Come with me.”
“I would go with you but I'm dead”, the fish said.
“Don't worry. It happens”, Someone replied.
It was hot. The lions were lying on the grass. The birds were singing their serenades. Someone became tired. He decided to have a rest. Soon he fell asleep. His dream didn’t belong to him. 
So Someone saw himself. He was going to the pub. It was evening. A girl was going after him.
“What do you want?” Someone turned to the girl.
“I want you”, she said and her eyes became green. “Come with me.” 
Someone followed her. He didn't feel the air.
The girl showed him her room. There was an aquarium on the table. Someone saw the dead fish in the aquarium.
“How do you do!” the fish said. “Do you remember me?”
Someone didn't know what to say and he said nothing. 
“Shut the fuck up!” the girl screamed. “Or I'll kill you.”
“Kiss my ass!” Someone replied and woke up.
He stood up and continued his way somewhere. There was nothing there but it was exactly what he wanted to find. So he could return home and fall asleep. 
In his dream he saw the same girl he had seen. 
“I'm sorry”, the girl said. “I didn't mean to hurt you.” 
“Doesn't matter”, Someone said.
“Where have you been all this time?” the girl asked.
“Somewhere”, Someone said.
“Somewhere?” the girl smiled. “And what did you see there?”
“Nothing”, Someone said.
“Don't fuck with me you, son of a bitch, or I'll kill you!” the girl screamed.
“Kiss my ass!” Someone said.
“If you insist”, the girl answered. “Take your trousers off.”
Someone did.
“Holy sheet!” he heard the voice of the girl.
“Holy?” Someone started to think. “It means I'm God. I'm God! I'm God!!!”
But suddenly Someone struck his forehead against the floor.
“I must be sick”, Someone thought.
He came on the porch to swallow the air. The last stone fell from the heaven and killed Someone.
“Now I'm very sick”, Someone thought.
“Now you're like me”, Someone heard a familiar voice. The dead fish was sitting near him.
“Don't fuck with me!” Someone heard from above. He picked up his eyes from the pavement and looked up. The girl was smiling at him
out of the sky.
“Bitch!” Someone thought.
“What did you say?” the girl asked.
“Nothing”, Someone answered and started laughing.
“Don't ever say this word”, the girl started begging.
“Why?” Someone asked.
“It's my only secret”, the girl said.
“What do you mean?” Someone asked.
“Nothing is everything I know”, the girl said.
“I'm very sick”, Someone thought and died again. 

And you? Do you feel well? Are you sure? Then why have you just read this true story?